The Friendzone

the friendzone, rant, my lavender tinted world, lauren, lightinglavender,lollalong

I made a video about this topic a few months ago but it ended up in me having a huge rant and I don’t think I was as eloquent as I could have been. Hence my reason to write up my thoughts on this topic.

The friendzone, that wonderful place where many people feel they have been undeservedly put, whether they are male or female, but what really is the friendzone? Is it a place where you are doomed to suffer unrequited feelings? Is it a place for you to agonisingly wait until your dear one notices that you have been right by their side through all of their problems? Or is it the place that people have made up to make themselves feel better about being rejected? Personally, I think it’s more of the later.

If you go online these days you’ll find a lot of people talking about the friendzone. How they have been unfairly put there or how they have friendzoned other people. To be honest, it makes me a little bit sick. To say you have been friendzoned is tantamount to saying that someone doesn’t find you attractive….. Well duh, not everyone is going to find you attractive. That’s one of those unfortunate facts of life. Throughout life you are going to meet people who you think are the most wonderful, insightful, funny, beautiful people in the world. But that doesn’t mean your feelings will be reciprocated. Even if you have been nothing but a nice person to these people, it doesn’t mean that they have to find you attractive. To be honest, I think that is my main problem with the friendzone. It is that person feeling as though their nice, thoughtful actions should somehow be reciprocated in a way that they want. It’s almost like they are only being this type of nice person because they are wanting something in return. Personally I don’t find that to be nice. I find it to be somewhat sleazy.

And saying that you have friendzoned someone only means that you don’t find them attractive enough to like them in a romantic way. It’s not putting someone in a zone, you probably didn’t subconsciously do it! Normally you know from the first time meeting someone if you think they are romantically attractive or not. Also the people who are normally saying they’ve put people in the friendzone are the ones that are using and the manipulating the people who like them. Because they know this person likes them but they want them to still be nice to them without having to do anything in return.

Normally, it is men that you hear complain about being put into the friendzone and acting as if they are some sort of martyr to the cause, although what that cause might be I am yet to find out. They say that they aren’t able to get into a relationship with a girl because “Girls only go after the bad guy”. First of all, what a sweeping statement to make. Every person has their own thoughts and behaviours. Secondly, just because you weren’t chosen by these girls doesn’t mean they always go after the bad guys. Because maybe, just maybe, your idea of what constitutes as a good guy (or the “nice”guy) and what the other person constitutes as a good guy are two completely separate things. I’ve only mentioned men here because I, personally, don’t have a lot of experience with this happening in the opposite way round! But if you have I would love to hear about it! (To broaden my knowledge not because I enjoy other people’s suffering and heartache!)

I honestly cannot get it through my mind why people think that just because they share similar interests with someone or because that person talks to them as a person and has a friendship with them that there are some sort of underlying emotions of a relationship or sexual desire… I just can’t fathom how some people’s minds work. I find myself lost for words at the mere thought of it (awkward seeing as I’m trying to write about it….) Like, why would you think that because you have similar interests and the person talks to you that you feel like there is something more? On reason I can think of is that the person who is “friendzoned” tends to find themselves not having many friends and if they find someone they are attracted to who speaks to them they feel like there must be a deeper reason for it. But then if that was the case they wouldn’t become so angry about it. Because yes, some people do tend to become angry when they realise that their feelings are unrequited.

But on the flipside, if someone knows that you like them and they use your feelings for their own gain then you shouldn’t want anything more from them. Because they aren’t a nice person either. But that’s still not being put in a friendzone, that is being manipulated into doing things. And that’s a whole other kettle of fish with oh so many more problems than these!

I think what my main point to all of this is: don’t try and get something from people. End of. Don’t feel like you should be getting something more because of what you are doing. If you are being nice and doing things for someone but they don’t seem to appreciate it, stop doing it and find someone who will appreciate it (you will make yourself and the other person a lot happier that way!) And if the person you like doesn’t like you the same way then don’t make out that it’s because they’ve put you in some weird, fictional place. The truth is, they don’t romantically attractive, which hurts to know but it’s better to accept the truth I think.

Let me know your thoughts on this topic. Do you have any experience with being put in a “friendzone”? Or have you had people saying that you’ve put them in one?

Hasta la fuego

Lauren 🙂 x

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