2020 has been a hot mess for many people, myself included! But I wanted to take a second to review the year, and go through my thoughts on this year in a pandemic. I’m going to be honest, and say some good things did come from this year. I feel really lucky, and privileged to be able to say and I wanted to acknowledge that. However, I don’t think the moments of happiness and good changes for me outshine the awful feeling that has pervaded this year.
I started the year feeling really optimistic. I don’t know what I was expecting to do, but I liked back through my journal and can see that the first few days were hopeful for what the year would bring. Oh poor, sweet Lauren. At this point, we didn’t know what Covid-19 was. We didn’t know we were about to be hit by a global pandemic. Although my younger sister had pointed out that 1820 and 1920 had both had pandemics. Weird predication tool, but I should have listened.
The year quickly switched with fear and panic spreading through people, until finally I was furloughed for 3 months from April until June. This is where I become one of those annoying people. I didn’t fall into any despair and I think I may have thrived a little? Well, maybe not thrived but I did realise that lack of time is one of my biggest issues.
The Good
I wrote around 30k words for a new novel in April and May. I don’t even really know how. The idea popped into my head in the spring. However, it’s slowly morphed from a paranormal romance to an urban fantasy romance. I don’t think I’m a romance writer. It doesn’t seem to be a strong suit, but I can do love interest and minor plot points. I scrapped around 10k words from this, but in November I managed to get this back up to 41k. I’ve more of an idea of where this is going and in 2021 I am going to be finalising this and then getting on with some editing.
I also picked up youtube again! I said I wasn’t going to move to booktube only focus, but who am I kidding? Booktube has given me a reason to read consistently again. It made me fall back in love with books, and I’ve met some of the best friends over the past 9 months. I don’t know where I would be without them, and I am beyond happy to have them in my life.
The Bad
But it hasn’t been all ups. Unfortunately, I lost two colleagues from work. It wasn’t directly as a consequence of the lockdowns and pandemic in the UK, but more it seems like a causal sense. The first was a shock, but the second was like a sucker punch and just before Christmas. They have both been absolutely awful, but I’m more upset for their families. I wasn’t overly close with them, but when we were in the office we did talk and have a laugh and a joke. I don’t know how the office will feel when I head back in and they aren’t there.
Overall
2020 was awful to so many people, but I feel lucky. I ended the year with my job, my health, and a renewed love in my creative endeavours. I know it is a very privileged position to be in and it’s why I’ve not really spoken much about how my year has gone. Despite the limited impact I’ve currently had, I am not taking this for granted. As bad as it may be to catastrophise, I have been planning for the worst. I know there’s a vaccine out now but I am still planning just in case. Just in case my company suffers more setbacks and the unfortunate circumstance where I lose my job.
With 2020 being so rubbish, I’m hoping that 2021 will have more to offer. And will have a lot more freedom as well.
Hasta la fuego
